This Ain't Disneyworld!

The pink cloud has dissipated.

The puppy dogs and kittens have all gone on to greener pastures.

The euphoria surrounding the finalization of the adoption and the relief that “it is done” has faded like the last warm rays of a summer sunset. Now the business of parenting begins in earnest.

This parenting thing is no walk in the park even under “normal” conditions. If you are parenting teenagers that last phrase would be an oxymoron! If anyone has any doubts about it, we are not operating under “normal” conditions.

As any parent of a teenager can attest, you struggle with lots of attitude from the mouths, body language and icy stares of the little chreubs. Struggles with raging hormones, wildly vacillating emotions, low self-esteem, loneliness and poor self-image a but a few of the delights facing parents of teens. Add in a pinch of the negative onslaught coming from todays music, television, drugs, alcohol and just plain old bad influences and you have the makings of a powder keg.

Now imagine throwing into this volatile mix a history of abandonment, emotional trauma, physical abuse or self-installed high walls to protect your inner most self; and that's just a small sample of what an orphan has to deal with.

It has been six months since we first met K in Jaycee's kitchen. In many ways we've learned a lot about each other but in some aspects we don't know jack. There have, no doubt, been countless wonderful moments where we all seem to let our guards down and share in the moments of family. There have been Cheshire cat-like smiles when he proudly shows us his grades from school. He so wants to please and receive that affirmation of affection … that “Atta boy”! Don't we all? How much more does he want it … dare say, need it … after all these years with no one there to pat him on the back?

But there have also been some dark moments that seem to well up and burst forth over those defensive parapets. Sometimes it's a matter of misunderstanding and struggling through the difficulties of language barriers. Other times it comes from a much deeper place in him – a place filled with hurt and anger. Lots of hurt and lots of anger.

No, no one ever said that parenting was easy. It's the most difficult job on the planet. But we persevere. We assure him that we love him. We reaffirm our commitment to our family – a family of which he is an integral part. We also show steadfastness when it comes to expectations and what it means to be a part of a family. We try our best to understand that this notion is completely new him – the notion of a loving family that cares about him. We don't always succeed at that.

This is going to take quite a bit of patience, love and resilience. We know there will be times when we say to ourselves, “We could have done better on that.” But one thing is for sure. We never go back on our commitment to love.

Never, ever.

Kristofer Timothy Gentile

 

I like words. I like to write them and I especially like to read them.  But on days like this words are woefully inadequate.  They cannot give depth to the worries and sleepless nights as one wonders if they can financially do this adoption thing.  They cannot carry the laughter and joy that Kris brings to our family.  You have to be there to experience those moments.

You have to be there in the car with Zinta, Kris and me as we head to the embassy. Kris knows that George Washington was the first president but does not know the current president.  I casually tell him "Knucklehead."  Sure enough, the embassy personnel, impressed that he knows who the first president is, ask him "Who is the current president?"  "Knucklehead" he exclaims and Zinta and I and the embassy staff bust out laughing.

You have to be there at Rosanna's Restaurant a few days before his birthday when Eileen asks him what he would like for his birthday.  Kris tells her that he used to reflect on his birthday about his life and what he hoped for and where he was in reaching his dreams.  He told her that he does not have to do that anymore ... because he has a family now.

Thanks you to all who prayed for us, encouraged us, supported us financially and spiritually.  This day is your day too.  Thanks to God for his never-ending love and support.  He carried us when it seemed we couldn't walk one more step. I will leave you with four last words:

INTRODUCING KRISTOFER TIMOTHY GENTILE

Kris at the Lock Bridge, Riga, Latvia

 

 

Rockets, Gumball Machines and Balance Beams

It has been three months since Kris landed in America for the first time. I think he is taking the country by storm! It has been a time of adventure, exploration, adjustment and, quite frankly, exhaustion.

Kris has acclimated himself to life here in America. He makes friends easily and has a crew of friends at church and at soccer.In fact, he pretty much makes friends everywhere he goes.

He tends to repeat phrases that he has learned. It's his way of learning the language. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. You can only imagine some of things he's been repeating! Today's phrase is “Just shake it off!” He's also learning the rules of the road and the various types signs on the American road.  He is looking forward to taking his driving permit test.

One evening at the store he spied a row of gumball machines. He asked what it was and so I explained how you put in the money, turn the crank and lift the door to get your gum or prize. His eyes lit up! “We do not have this in Latvia. I would like to try this.” So he puts in the quarter, turns the crank (saying “krukcht” as he turns the crank) and out comes his glow-in-the-dark spider. “I must try this again! I like this process!” Three spiders later … we head out the door and head for home.

He is thoroughly enjoying playing soccer with Faith Christian School. He feels like he is a part of something bigger than himself – a team. He really has bonded with his teammates and his coach. He's even scored a few goals so far this year. I think that during the process he is learning to accept others and be accepted by others, respect himself and others and building self-confidence.

Over the past few weeks Kris has taken to building and launching model rockets. He loves it! We build the rockets together and then launch them at the high school field nearby. We have built several of them. One crashed straight into the ground without the parachute opening – that one was my fault. Saturday was windy and one rocket went very, very high. The wind caught it and it landed three blocks away and hanging off a roof. He scampered up (with a little boost from me) and managed to snag it. The security guard wasn't too pleased with us at first but he chilled once he saw what we were doing.

This exercise reminds me of my youth – spending hours making model rockets with my Uncle Joe and taking them to the football field in Central Valley for launching! Several never made it down and are probably still stuck in the trees there.

Kris is quite helpful around the house, too. He is quite proud of the fact that he has kept his room clean and tidy for three weeks. This only came after some grumbling and “Are you kidding me?” after being asked to clean his room but we'll take the minor victories when we can get them. He also likes to take care of the dogs too. This weekend all three dogs were given a bath. He also entertains them and walks them. He made a little video of what happens when we are not home – he is riding his bike around the kitchen/living area down stairs making a figure “8” around the kitchen table and the couch while all the dogs are chasing him! All the while exclaiming “Come on dogs! It is time for the circus!” He enjoys cleaning too! He even used the leaf blower one time to clean the downstairs – dog hair and papers were everywhere! Hysterical!

For the first two months whenever we mentioned school, Kris would say that perhaps he can skip going to school for a few years. It is only during the past few weeks that his attitude has changed about that. Now he says that he would like to go to school. I have no doubt that he will do just fine once he settles in to life in academia. He does seem a little apprehensive about learning English but we are working on getting him the help he needs to do well. We have had several conversations about schooling and I impress upon him that all I expect from him is to do his very best and we will help him however we can.

Kris and I have been taking advantage of the time in the car traveling to and from soccer games and fishing and flying rockets to get to know each other. We've had our disagreements during this phase but we respect each other andl we have a pretty good relationship. We've shared bits and pieces of each others lives. Without getting into details he's had a terrible start in life but with God's grace he has managed to become quite the young man!

Despite some of the challenges to adjusting to life with a new teen in the house – three loaves of bread, two and ½ gallons of milk, four boxes of cereal and lots of ketchup and mayonnaise each week; some attitude issues; financial challenges; trying to find balance in our lives – Eileen and I firmly believe that we have won the “kid lottery” with this guy. Don't get me wrong … this adoption thing is NOT for the faint of heart. There are many nights we have fallen into bed just whipped from all the running around. Despite all the little hurdles in the process we cannot imagine our family without Kris. We have God to thank for that.

Football, Fishing and Fireflies

It has been about two and one-half weeks.

A mere nineteen days.

That's how long he's been in America.

Here's what we have so far:

He knows our address ("244 Beast Onion Boulevard, Bethlehem") and our phone number.  He  knows how to get to the fishing spot at the Lehigh River from our house.  He knows how to get to our church and where Phil works.  He has an eye for detail and has snagged himself more lures caught in trees, bushes and water than he has fish.

He LOVES to go fishing. If he could he would fish 24/7!

He LOVES football.He is attending soccer camp all this week and is really enjoying himself!

He loves to eat corn on the cob. ("In Latvia we give this to pigs but I like.  It is good.")

He has never seen a firefly before and set out to catch some.  He caught a few and kept opening the top of the container so they could breathe. He later released them outside.

He LOVES hanging with the gang at church youth group and will be going on his first outing on Saturday (tubing down the Delaware River).

He really enjoys talking to people.  He has no inhibitions about striking up a conversation with kids at church, Phil's co-workers or lifeguards at the town pool.

He loves Peter and jokes with him and talks with him all the time. 

Even the dogs have taken to him!

Kris does not hesitate to contribute his share to the family life.

Kris has blended into life in America, life with us, as if it were meant to be from the beginning.

Despite a very rough beginning in his life, Kris has demonstrated a great deal of courage, grace and compassion.

Eileen tells him periodically how much we love having him in our family.  She even tied the story of Jonah and heeding God's call to our story of heeding God's call to bring him home.  He enjoyed that!

The other day I had the chance to ask him how he felt about being a part of our family. 

"I like this family.  It is good family.  You are funny and I am funny.  I like this family."

They Have Names

We are surrounded by numbers.  Some of those numbers are seen and some are unseen.  From our Personal Identification Number for our ATM card to the countless "0" and "1" of the computer programming language that make this blog possible.  Think of how many numbers infuse our daily life.  Here's a short list of just a few:

Social Security number
Driver's License number
Phone number
Checking Account number
PIN number
Interest Rates
Prices of goods and services
Money
Channels on your TV
Sizes of clothes
Temperature
Clocks
Speed Limits
Credit Card numbers
Calendars ...

The list goes on and on.

Here's another number for you: 143,000,000.  That's the estimate number of orphans in the world.  I would guess that most people don't even know about that number.  Perhaps they would think that such a number was an exaggeration. Up until three years ago I was ignorant of that number.  Not a clue!

But my introduction to those kiddos came through one young woman - Nelya.  She opened my eyes and my heart to the world of the 143,000,000.  Through her I was introduced to a hosting organization called New Horizons for Children.  Every winter and every summer a team of people from New Horizons travels to Eastern Europe and the Far East to visit with some of the 143,000,000.  Then that team posts pictures of some of those kiddos with a very brief description of their observations.  But there are no names under those photos - only numbers (that is required by rule).  Anyone who has hosted an orphan has spent hours looking at those photos and wondering what those kiddos are thinking, what they dream of, what are their hopes and aspirations.

Last week, Eileen and I had the privilege of spending a week at a Christian camp in Ergli, Latvia.  It was probably the best part of our time in Latvia.  We were blessed to spend four glorious days with about 56 of those 143,000,000 and approximately 15 fantastic camp leaders and helpers.  We recognized so many of the faces we had seen from the hosting pictures and some we had never before seen.

They have names.

They are courageous.

They are beautiful.






 
They sing.

They dance.

They are smart.

They are tenacious.

They laugh.

They smile.

They have voices.

They have dreams.

 They are not numbers.

They are our children and our brothers and sisters - every last one of them.

No Words Necessary

June 30th

We wake up at camp to the sound of rain.  We spent last evening tending to a minor medical issue for K.  The details are not important.  The only medical facility in the village where the camp is located is attached to a seniors' home.  The nurse on duty said the doctor was not on duty (it was Sunday evening) and she suggested we head to the hospital in a town about 40 km away.

We arrived at the hospital and notice the hours of operation on the door indicate that it is closed on Sunday! What? All the lights were off in the hallways and there wasn't a soul around.  It took us a moment to realize that we had entered the seniors' wing of the facility and the medical part of the building was around the corner.  After entering the "emergency room" K was seen by a doctor to took care of the issue and we were on our way back to camp.

We were headed up to orphan court for the second hearing.  The leader there asked some very pointed questions of us and of K.  The questions covered the gamut of information but one question seems to stand out.  They asked us and K how was the bonding going? How was the relationship as parent and child developing? 

It is tough to put into words something that is so visceral. How do you put into words the moments of connectedness even though nothing is said?  How do you verbalize inflection in the way he says things that have us laughing?  How do you make palpable those times when we work through a difficult moment through honest communication using broken English/Latvian?  For some things there are no words.  For some things there are only feelings and signs of affection.  A big bear hug says so much more than words can ever say.

"We think that this adoption is in Kristofer's best interest.  He can go to America with you." Words never sounded so sweet to our ears.

Only "labi, labi" managed to squeak out of us.  Our throats were choked up with a flood of emotion and tears were welling up.  No words necessary. The smiles, hugs and tears said it all.

Miracles

June 29th

It’s our last night in our Latvian apartment that we have called home since June 11^th. We are all sitting doing various "techy" things. Phil is playing Stickman soccer, Eileen is writing and Kris is playing tanki - an online blow em up game with tanks. After an amazing day at a ropes and climbing course we are all pooped. Kris climbed like a monkey on the most challenging courses. Phil did great (provided he didn't look down) and Eileen almost puked at the end.  Kris was completely in his element!

 We have had two visits from the social workers to see how the bonding process is progressing . How do you explain this child fits in our family like he was born into it. Often Eileen thinks about how we love our babies before they are born. For nine months in the womb we love and dream about meeting them. Even before conception how many conversations about are children yet to be born were had? Our friend Dorah calls them “heart children”. This is the best way we can think of to describe the relationship that is happening with this kiddo. Our hearts are bonding with ease. K is a chatterbox and he often wears his heart on his sleeve. 

We watched as he Skyped with his sister, from whom he was separated two years ago. The look on both their faces as she struggled speaking her native language and he chattered away was priceless. She couldn’t stop smiling and he was thrilled.  The love was palpable even across an ocean and through a computer screen.  They were both a little choked up at the end.

This story of our family has so many angels. People who began to pray for K years ago as he was taken from the one sibling he had. People mentored him here in Latvia, teaching him about Jesus and loving him as only fellow humans can do. That whole Jesus with skin on thing. Showing him that love is real, that he is special, that he matters . His change has been noted by the Orphan Court, by the Director of his Orphanage. They all said “he went to that camp and something happened.” He came back from that camp a changed person. They noticed God working in his life. Powerful stuff.

K gets it. He exhibits a level of love that can only be explained by the hand of God working through people. We are amazed at the rawness and honesty of his communication with his friends and mentors.We stand in awe and humility of a God who has allowed us to raise this child and bring him into our family as our own.

This last week in Latvia we get to do something we are not sure has been done by an adopting family. We have been given permission by the court to continue the bonding process at the camp. Jaycee has graciously invited us to stay there. In addition we get to meet 52 new orphans, some we know but most we will meet for the first time.

Is it coincidence that this year they have some special needs campers? We think not, as it happens to be Eileen's profession. Is it coincidence that we get to be blessed by these children?  We know without a doubt that this is the beginning of something very special with our new family and Latvian orphans. God allows us to experience miracles. We don’t even have to believe that they are miracles but after a while it is impossible to deny. Our God is a God of the impossible.

It's a Big Deal ... It's Not a Big Deal

This "building a family" business can be a tricky affair.

Most of the time it is quite a joyous and uproarious escapade.  Case in point:  A few nights ago K had his two younger "brothers" spending the night.  We watched some World Cup action over pizza and soda.  Good times.  Because they were a little hyped on sugar we walked around old Riga to burn up some of that energy.  As we are walking around, K and his crew are practicing their "parkour" moves (you'll have to look it up on the web) and a very large, inebriated Latvian guy decides he would like to try it.  K explains what he must do and the guy proceeds to run into the side of a building at full gallop rather than jump and scale the side of the building!  What a sight!

 Later on that evening, as we are making our way back to the apartment, I spy a young woman standing in the street from about three quarters of a block away.  Odd, but all she is doing is watching people pass by her and occasionally talking with a few men who pass by her.  Maybe she's had one too many.  About halfway down the block I can get a faint whiff of her perfume - a scent that only gets more pronounced the closer we get to her.  I get what's going on here!  As we pass her one of the youngsters overhears her talking to a potential patron; after we have a reasonable distance between us and her, he turns to me and says "Hey Phil! That lady is a prostitute!" Oh boy!

Today, Daniela came to visit with baby Harry in tow.  We started off with paying lots of attention to Harry and even got K to hold him.  Harry would not take his eyes off of K for most of the visit.  K and Daniela started horsing around like they were siblings - K trying to video Daniela and trying to take her picture and Daniela resisting those attempts.  Daniela does not like having her picture taken and at some point there was a good-natured tussle between them.  This ended up with Daniela flipping K to the floor and sitting on him until her promised "no more pictures".  The visit ended with some facetime with Peter. Peter was so happy to see Daniela and K.  As we said our good byes to Daniela, K gave her a hug and she gave each of us a really long, firm hug back!!  This is the big deal part of family building.  Patience, unfailing love and consistency pay off in the end.  We know this; we have the proof in the hugs from the teen who would not give us hugs last summer!  She knows she is loved ... really loved.

Several people have expressed to us that K doesn't like to follow the rules all the time.  Sometimes he will test the boundaries.  Generally, our experience so far has been that he abides by the rules.  But today he also tested exactly where that boundary was.  The details are not important except that it involved cleaning up a small mess he made.  He was asked to clean it up several times and consequences were clearly delineated.  The end result was we went back home early (as promised).  He was not happy.  This is not a big deal.  He'll work through it and we'll talk about it tomorrow (he went straight to bed - his choice) and we will go over the need for respect among family and that we love him and forgive him.  We'll learn from this and move on.

We look forward to spending the next few days here in Riga with some friends and his "brothers" sleeping over for two days.  Then we head to camp with K.  More adventures and good times ahead - sans the ladies of the evening.

Family ... it's a big deal, a very big deal!

Fashion and Jail - Latvian Style

Our adventures in Latvia continue and I feel the need to educate. Fashion is a serious business in Riga. If you want to fit in there are a few import tips I have learned from my keen observation combined with the teen experience of so many others who have lived the life of skinny jeans.. to wear or not to wear. Since I can only pull them up to my knees it has never become a issue. I simply can’t even get into them.

The only women wearing Capri's beside myself are other middle aged American tourists. I thought I was ahead of the game by not wearing my running shoes, but alas, however cool my converse are I have apparently not worn the correct pants. I would like to note that I am wearing pants, which is more than I can say for the girls dancing in AmPir (a bar which when passing I cover the boys' eyes) . Yes, that is both K and Phil. They both have informed me they have seen butts before and are not impressed.

Along with your swimsuit be sure to pack some mittens, boots and a raincoat. It has not stopped raining or risen above 60 degrees since we arrived. Folks assure me that this is unusual, but I think they are lying. Everyone is wearing boots … I cannot believe they actually packed away winter clothes and then the entire city of Riga dug in to find the warmest clothing in June. I am convinced they keep the woolen socks in the swim suit drawer. Also they sell many Latvian woolen items at the markets… no mistake.

Riga is the cultural capital …. it says so on the billboard at the airport. This is what I have learned so far:

Russians, I have discovered, are pointed out by K for their standard uniform of ill fitting shiny pants, short hair and bad manners. Being a native of New Jersey, the striking sub culture of the “Guido” seems to be a close cousin of the young Russian in Latvia. If you are not from NJ but have ever watched “the Sopranos” this is truly a phenomenon to be witnessed in it’s native environment. I think Discovery Channel may soon create a documentary of this amazing coincidence of culture. The babushkas or old women also have bad manners. We have been informed that bad manners is how you tell a Russian from a Latvian. I do believe I was winked at today by a Russian man on the street and being of a certain age I was flattered. And the bad manner rule went out the window. In general folks do not say things like ”excuse me’ or apologize when bumping folks in public everyone just moves on. There are hardly any persons of color here so K also points out in very clear English look a “brown boy” to all three black men we have seen. We will have to work on the cultural diversity issue when we get home.

We have explained that we do not want to go to Latvian jail for losing Latvian child. This has become a long standing joke. At least every 15 minutes yesterday, K said “ I do this….?” Oh yes, I forgot.. you do not want to go to Latvian Jail” Then ha- ha -ha and does it anyway. This boy is so full of life and energy. He does not stop moving, twirling, spinning on street signs, jumping over park benches, sliding down stairs, hiding and jumping out from behind trees, poles and elevators. “Phil, we go to training now?” They have found a gym and have been going for hours each day. I say last night at midnight “perhaps it’s time for bed for everyone” he says in a perfect mimic of my voice ”I don't think so.” The guys stay up watching X men wolverine till 2 a.m. I have explained this will NOT be a regular occurrence in America. He says “OK honey” and “relax baby relax” and giggles.

The bond forming between Phil and K is amazing to watch. K is physical and loves to be hugged and wrestled and will snuggle up to him on the couch. He is not afraid of letting his heart show. This kid has an amazing spirit. I can’t wait for him and Peter to get to know each other. The fact that both guys are so movement oriented is cool. I can’t wait to see the next part of this adventure play out back in the US.

"This Is My Family"

Well, it has been a week since we have touched down here in Riga.  We have grown accustomed to the late nights and the sunsets at 11:30 PM.  We've even grown accustomed to the rain and cool summer temperatures (well, maybe not).

We have learned the public transportation system like we are seasoned Riga-vites.  Of course it took us watching how the natives operate the transit cards to look like pros.  It also took us taking one trip on the correct bus but in the wrong direction to the end of the line and the bus driver politely telling us to get out of the bus to accomplish looking like we had swagger.

We've also picked up more and more words and phrases in Latvian. We still butcher the language but we try.  At the very least we get many people laughing with our pronunciations.

We've been here a whole seven days. Genesis tells us that God created everything in seven days.  Doesn't seem like a lot of time in the grand scheme of things.  Yet so much can happen in days, hours, minutes.

We first met Kris on Saturday afternoon.  We met him where he was, figuratively and literally.  We broke bread at Jaycee's house and met her family.  We met him on his "turf" and it worked out beautifully.  It was a great transition.  We've only know Kris for FIVE days!

Over the course of these five days we have grown closer.  We've gotten to know each other.  We've eaten together, walked together, shopped together.  We've laughed ... a lot ... together.  We've looked in bewilderment at each other when trying to decipher what the other is saying.  We've also had a few heart-to-hearts during this time - nothing major but important conversations.

Here's what we've got so far: He is fearless.  He is clever.  He is friendly.  He has a heart for family and is loyal to a fault (if you can consider that a fault).  He is high energy.  He has a very sharp sense of humor.  He pays attention to things going on around him.

Here's what else we've gotten in the past five days: a family.  We have a hodge-podge, stitched up, patchwork, duct-taped, quilt of a family.  Our ages range from 52 down to 3 months. Some of us don't understand the language the others speak.  Some don't speak the language the others understand. Some of us don't use words at all.  We live thousands of miles apart and come from many different backgrounds.  But we all share one thing - LOVE!

He was asked by his social worker if he wanted to go back to the orphanage instead of coming to America with us.  "She ask stupid questions," he said.  "I tell her 'No. This is my family.'"

We couldn't agree more.

The Big Day!

Dateline: Riga

We arrived here in Riga on the 11th of June after a long journey from the US.  Three days have passed and we could tell you all about the magnificent history of this city, the majestic architecture and the warmth and openness of its people.  We could tell you about the delicious food and the marvelous coffee here.  We could tell you about how we seriously underestimated how cool it is here even in the summer (yes, we will have to buy some sweatshirts that say "I Love Latvia") or how the sun rises at about 4:30 a.m. and sets at about 11:30 p.m. (makes for some difficulty in adjusting your sleep patterns).  But this is not a vacation journal.  This is a life journal.

We had the blessing to finally meet some "old" friends from the hosting program.  We had been messaging, calling and posting with each other for over a year and finally met for dinner here in Riga.  What a joy and a blessing it was!  These wonderful friends have been praying for us and encouraging us and following our story, Kristofers' story, for quite some time and it was wonderful to finally spend some time getting to know them up close.  A big hug and heartfelt "thank you" to all those who have prayed, donated, encouraged and followed us to Riga.  We could not have done it without you!

We also had the most wonderful opportunity to meet up with our girl, Daniela and some of her friends!  This is the girl who last summer had some challenges with us (read our other blog about that adventure); but God broke through those defenses through love, steadfast and strong, and now Daniela could not contain her excitement at seeing us here in Riga.  God knows how much we love this young woman.  She is our lovely daughter and we love, love, love her to pieces!  We also saw our grandson, Harry, for the first time.  Goodness he is a big boy (only three months old) and a very happy baby.  We will see the two of them throughout our stay in Riga.


We also had the good fortune to meet another lovely young woman by the name of Sabine.  She is friends with Daniela.  What a joy it was to continue our journey of love and acceptance and encouragement with Sabine.  We talked with her throughout dinner and into the next day.  Her message to me the next day was:   It was a very nice to meeting you guys! still I am smiling from yesterday!  All it took was some conversation, mixed in with some love and a little bit of time.

New friendships are formed so long as you are open to the movement of Spirit and we have made a connection with Sabine.  Turns out that she plays soccer with a team and we plan on watching one of her games.  Way more important and awesome than the World Cup!

Despite a night filled with imagined doom - what if Kris doesn't like us, what if Kris doesn't want to come to America, what if, what if, what if .... - we eagerly await the moment when we finally get to meet our son, to hug him, to love on him and, probably embarrass him with overflowing emotions.  That moment will happen today sometime. 

One chapter closes and a new one begins.

The Waiting

Dossier has been assembled and shipped to Latvia. . .

And we wait.

Three plus weeks later and our dossier has been translated and submitted to the powers that be in Latvia. . .

And we wait.

Silence.

We email our agency every week. "Any word?" "Not yet" is the response.  "We'll let you know as soon as we hear from Latvia."

That doesn't stop us from checking our email at least four times a day.

And we wait.

We hear through the grapevine that the court has asked him if he wants to live in America and responded with a "Yes".

More silence and more waiting and more checking of emails.

"Are they aware of the deadlines that are approaching?" we ask.  "Yes; everyone is aware of the situation." they say.

And still we wait.

"Any day now the referral should be here.  The Ministry is waiting on word from the court before they can send the referral."

Tick ... tick ... tick.

With each new email notification our hearts skip a beat.  Maybe this is the one.  Maybe it's finally here! But no ... false alarm.

It has been a mere 75 days or so since we sent our dossier and it feels like an eternity.  I cannot imagine waiting years to be asked the question: "Do you want to live in America? Do you want to be part of a family? Do you want to be accepted? Do you want to be chosen?"

Our boy was losing hope that this would ever happen.  We sent a message of encouragement to a friend in Latvia to tell him to hang on ... family is on the way.

If K can wait for years and still believe, can still have hope, can remain steadfast in God's love and faithfulness, well, then, so can we.

The Road is Paved With Paper

Over the past two months it feels like we have been trudging through muck and mire.  The past two months have been an exercise in the "business" of adoption.  Honestly there have been times when it seemed more like a chore, plowing through reams of paper, phone calls with bureaucrats in Trenton and Harrisburg, emails back and forth with our adoption agency, frustrations with delays in delivery of documents .... To say that the "business" of adoption is dull and tedious would be an understatement.  The phrase "dull as dishwater" and the image of Sisyphus comes to mind when discussing this phase of the process, especially when compared with the excitement of obtaining USCIS approval (see our previous posts).

I thought that there really wouldn't be much worth writing about when we completed our dossier package of documents and shipped them off to Latvia.  But I was wrong.

There's nothing "sexy" about three piles of documents with fancy seals on them.  There isn't any "bling" associated with paper with some ink on it being stapled together, wrapped with rubber bands and handed off to DHL to deliver across the ocean to our attorney in Latvia.  Really rather drab and listless.  In and of itself, the paper has no value. So what's the big deal?

Kristofers.

He's got value.  Family has value.  Love has value.  When you are nothing more than a glorified clerk, gathering documents, driving all over the place to gather the missing pieces, frantically racing against deadlines, losing patience with the system and its minions it is difficult to remember that there is a person at the end of this road.  There it is.

At the end of the road is Kristofers and our family.  The road to Kristofers, family, love, God is sometimes paved with paper and gold seals, wrapped in rubber bands.  Not macadam, not concrete, not yellow bricks Dorothy ... paper.  Paper mixed with patience, a little bit of anxiety and lots of love.

The road to Kristofers is paved with bricks of 8 1/2" x 11" paper.

We continue to plod our way through the next phases of this journey - adoption grant applications, visitor visa applications, airline tickets, Latvian court documents - the endless pile of paper grows.  But not all of the paper is bland and tasteless.  Kristofers loves to fish. Phil took it on himself to complete a paper application for a fish and game club in the Lehigh Valley and was given a temporary paper access card that will give him and Kristofers access to the fully stocked lake when he arrives.

Not all paper is valueless.

Koncert for Family

The Koncert with a heart.

The Koncert for a Kause.

A little over a week ago, a small but konnected kommunity got together for an evening of fellowship.

Friends we've known a long time and friendships forged that evening took part in helping our family grow.

The koncert was just the kulmination of many months of loving care, being still and listening to God's whisper of direction and following God's lead.  From Eileen's inspirational design for t-shirts, Phil's kraftiness (learned through Pinterest) of making kommerative mugs to baking several dozen kookies to making many pots of koffee ... it all came together for a night of musik, laughter and love.

A night for K. A night for family.

We were especially blessed to have our Hopesprings Community of Faith show their love and support by serving the koffee and tea.  Pam's artistic talents designed the flyer for the event and helped get the space ready for the koncert.  Karl got the sound system just right.  Jonathan even came out, with the flu ravaging him, to show his support.  The countless folks that spread the word, prayed and loved on us and K by being there that night (especially Brian and his crew).

Of course, the musikal talent that night was beyond magnificent.  Liz, Eric and Rick were fabulous!  John Schmitt and his compadre Ryan were off the charts.  I encourage you to support all the performers but especially John.  If you get the chance to see them live make it a point to do so.

We continue to make progress toward making this dream of family a reality.  Our home study is now complete and we will be submitting it to US Immigration officials this week.  Although at times it seems to be moving at glacial speed, God is working.  We are encouraged by all the good people, both local and across the globe, who are keeping us in prayer.  We will not falter for we know from whence our strength and courage come!

This post would not be complete without mentioning one person who made this evening and this journey beyond description.  The most important person who showed up that evening, and who continues to show up for us, is God.  He makes this all possible.

If you would like to know a bit more about our guy you can get a glimpse of his story here.

Es Tevi Mīlu. Я люблю тебя.

It has been quite a ride in 2013.

But this journey actually began in 2011.  It was in that year that we were introduced to New Horizons.  Our friend Jana was hosting a young teenage girl from Ukraine - Nelya,  We connected with this young woman on a heart and soul level.  This serendipitous collision of lives and stories fanned an ember aglow in us that we did not even realize existed.  This was our purpose - our mission - our destiny.

Nelya and Jana

Me and Nelya

Nelya 2011

2012

We tried to keep in touch with Nelya but the communication was intermittent at best.  We finally tracked her down on Ukrainian social media and sent her messages once again.  She responded.  On New Year's Day, Nelya and I had quite the chat as we both were on-line at the same time.  I must tell you that it takes a great deal of skill to navigate the "copy and paste" routine between Google translate and the message board and back again!  What a joy to speak with her today and learn that she is happy, she is reunited with her brother and sister and she is attending school.  She says that she misses us and wants to come back for a visit.  She eagerly types that she loves us and we just eagerly type back that we love her also.

And that was just the beginning of the journey!

Peter and Daniela

Last night - pillow fight

This year was the next leg of the odyssey.  We dove into the deep end of the pool and decided to host a teenage girl from Latvia. As many of you know, the experience was far from smooth.  There were plenty of bumps along the way in hosting Daniela.  But the bumps were necessary for her and for us - we all needed to navigate the on-ramp that was riddled with pot holes before we could get up to cruising speed on the highway.  The truth is, we learned a lot about ourselves and our faith.  Not the esoteric faith awash in sunlight through stained-glass windows; the rough and tumble, where the rubber meets the road kind of faith.   This was a testing of the basic tenet of Jesus's teaching - unconditional love - in a real and tangible way.   This was applying the "love others" idea in a real, messy, complicated situation.

Cooking with Eileen

Daniela at Amusement Park

Fun at the Adams' Pool

The end result is that Daniela is member of our family.  She is a part of this crazy, unconventional, mixed up family here in Bethlehem, PA.  We chat with Daniela periodically through social media; she keeps us up to date on her situation in general terms; every once in a while she lets her walls down and lets us get a glimpse of just how wonderful she can be; we get the privilege of seeing the real Daniela!  We can be present when she smiles, when she laughs, when she is frustrated, when she is lonely and that is worth more than all the gold in the world.  The feeling of being a part of her life is more any words would ever, ever convey. How do I know this?  Just before Christmas I got a message from Daniela.  She said "Paldies. Es tevi mīlu." (Thanks, I love you).  Still gets me choked up.


Now in 2014, we endeavor to expand our family even more - this time on a permanent basis.  We have filed the necessary papers with the US government and have completed our home study.  This adventure is only just beginning and we are overjoyed and excited for what God has in store for us.