No Words Necessary

June 30th

We wake up at camp to the sound of rain.  We spent last evening tending to a minor medical issue for K.  The details are not important.  The only medical facility in the village where the camp is located is attached to a seniors' home.  The nurse on duty said the doctor was not on duty (it was Sunday evening) and she suggested we head to the hospital in a town about 40 km away.

We arrived at the hospital and notice the hours of operation on the door indicate that it is closed on Sunday! What? All the lights were off in the hallways and there wasn't a soul around.  It took us a moment to realize that we had entered the seniors' wing of the facility and the medical part of the building was around the corner.  After entering the "emergency room" K was seen by a doctor to took care of the issue and we were on our way back to camp.

We were headed up to orphan court for the second hearing.  The leader there asked some very pointed questions of us and of K.  The questions covered the gamut of information but one question seems to stand out.  They asked us and K how was the bonding going? How was the relationship as parent and child developing? 

It is tough to put into words something that is so visceral. How do you put into words the moments of connectedness even though nothing is said?  How do you verbalize inflection in the way he says things that have us laughing?  How do you make palpable those times when we work through a difficult moment through honest communication using broken English/Latvian?  For some things there are no words.  For some things there are only feelings and signs of affection.  A big bear hug says so much more than words can ever say.

"We think that this adoption is in Kristofer's best interest.  He can go to America with you." Words never sounded so sweet to our ears.

Only "labi, labi" managed to squeak out of us.  Our throats were choked up with a flood of emotion and tears were welling up.  No words necessary. The smiles, hugs and tears said it all.

Miracles

June 29th

It’s our last night in our Latvian apartment that we have called home since June 11^th. We are all sitting doing various "techy" things. Phil is playing Stickman soccer, Eileen is writing and Kris is playing tanki - an online blow em up game with tanks. After an amazing day at a ropes and climbing course we are all pooped. Kris climbed like a monkey on the most challenging courses. Phil did great (provided he didn't look down) and Eileen almost puked at the end.  Kris was completely in his element!

 We have had two visits from the social workers to see how the bonding process is progressing . How do you explain this child fits in our family like he was born into it. Often Eileen thinks about how we love our babies before they are born. For nine months in the womb we love and dream about meeting them. Even before conception how many conversations about are children yet to be born were had? Our friend Dorah calls them “heart children”. This is the best way we can think of to describe the relationship that is happening with this kiddo. Our hearts are bonding with ease. K is a chatterbox and he often wears his heart on his sleeve. 

We watched as he Skyped with his sister, from whom he was separated two years ago. The look on both their faces as she struggled speaking her native language and he chattered away was priceless. She couldn’t stop smiling and he was thrilled.  The love was palpable even across an ocean and through a computer screen.  They were both a little choked up at the end.

This story of our family has so many angels. People who began to pray for K years ago as he was taken from the one sibling he had. People mentored him here in Latvia, teaching him about Jesus and loving him as only fellow humans can do. That whole Jesus with skin on thing. Showing him that love is real, that he is special, that he matters . His change has been noted by the Orphan Court, by the Director of his Orphanage. They all said “he went to that camp and something happened.” He came back from that camp a changed person. They noticed God working in his life. Powerful stuff.

K gets it. He exhibits a level of love that can only be explained by the hand of God working through people. We are amazed at the rawness and honesty of his communication with his friends and mentors.We stand in awe and humility of a God who has allowed us to raise this child and bring him into our family as our own.

This last week in Latvia we get to do something we are not sure has been done by an adopting family. We have been given permission by the court to continue the bonding process at the camp. Jaycee has graciously invited us to stay there. In addition we get to meet 52 new orphans, some we know but most we will meet for the first time.

Is it coincidence that this year they have some special needs campers? We think not, as it happens to be Eileen's profession. Is it coincidence that we get to be blessed by these children?  We know without a doubt that this is the beginning of something very special with our new family and Latvian orphans. God allows us to experience miracles. We don’t even have to believe that they are miracles but after a while it is impossible to deny. Our God is a God of the impossible.

It's a Big Deal ... It's Not a Big Deal

This "building a family" business can be a tricky affair.

Most of the time it is quite a joyous and uproarious escapade.  Case in point:  A few nights ago K had his two younger "brothers" spending the night.  We watched some World Cup action over pizza and soda.  Good times.  Because they were a little hyped on sugar we walked around old Riga to burn up some of that energy.  As we are walking around, K and his crew are practicing their "parkour" moves (you'll have to look it up on the web) and a very large, inebriated Latvian guy decides he would like to try it.  K explains what he must do and the guy proceeds to run into the side of a building at full gallop rather than jump and scale the side of the building!  What a sight!

 Later on that evening, as we are making our way back to the apartment, I spy a young woman standing in the street from about three quarters of a block away.  Odd, but all she is doing is watching people pass by her and occasionally talking with a few men who pass by her.  Maybe she's had one too many.  About halfway down the block I can get a faint whiff of her perfume - a scent that only gets more pronounced the closer we get to her.  I get what's going on here!  As we pass her one of the youngsters overhears her talking to a potential patron; after we have a reasonable distance between us and her, he turns to me and says "Hey Phil! That lady is a prostitute!" Oh boy!

Today, Daniela came to visit with baby Harry in tow.  We started off with paying lots of attention to Harry and even got K to hold him.  Harry would not take his eyes off of K for most of the visit.  K and Daniela started horsing around like they were siblings - K trying to video Daniela and trying to take her picture and Daniela resisting those attempts.  Daniela does not like having her picture taken and at some point there was a good-natured tussle between them.  This ended up with Daniela flipping K to the floor and sitting on him until her promised "no more pictures".  The visit ended with some facetime with Peter. Peter was so happy to see Daniela and K.  As we said our good byes to Daniela, K gave her a hug and she gave each of us a really long, firm hug back!!  This is the big deal part of family building.  Patience, unfailing love and consistency pay off in the end.  We know this; we have the proof in the hugs from the teen who would not give us hugs last summer!  She knows she is loved ... really loved.

Several people have expressed to us that K doesn't like to follow the rules all the time.  Sometimes he will test the boundaries.  Generally, our experience so far has been that he abides by the rules.  But today he also tested exactly where that boundary was.  The details are not important except that it involved cleaning up a small mess he made.  He was asked to clean it up several times and consequences were clearly delineated.  The end result was we went back home early (as promised).  He was not happy.  This is not a big deal.  He'll work through it and we'll talk about it tomorrow (he went straight to bed - his choice) and we will go over the need for respect among family and that we love him and forgive him.  We'll learn from this and move on.

We look forward to spending the next few days here in Riga with some friends and his "brothers" sleeping over for two days.  Then we head to camp with K.  More adventures and good times ahead - sans the ladies of the evening.

Family ... it's a big deal, a very big deal!

Fashion and Jail - Latvian Style

Our adventures in Latvia continue and I feel the need to educate. Fashion is a serious business in Riga. If you want to fit in there are a few import tips I have learned from my keen observation combined with the teen experience of so many others who have lived the life of skinny jeans.. to wear or not to wear. Since I can only pull them up to my knees it has never become a issue. I simply can’t even get into them.

The only women wearing Capri's beside myself are other middle aged American tourists. I thought I was ahead of the game by not wearing my running shoes, but alas, however cool my converse are I have apparently not worn the correct pants. I would like to note that I am wearing pants, which is more than I can say for the girls dancing in AmPir (a bar which when passing I cover the boys' eyes) . Yes, that is both K and Phil. They both have informed me they have seen butts before and are not impressed.

Along with your swimsuit be sure to pack some mittens, boots and a raincoat. It has not stopped raining or risen above 60 degrees since we arrived. Folks assure me that this is unusual, but I think they are lying. Everyone is wearing boots … I cannot believe they actually packed away winter clothes and then the entire city of Riga dug in to find the warmest clothing in June. I am convinced they keep the woolen socks in the swim suit drawer. Also they sell many Latvian woolen items at the markets… no mistake.

Riga is the cultural capital …. it says so on the billboard at the airport. This is what I have learned so far:

Russians, I have discovered, are pointed out by K for their standard uniform of ill fitting shiny pants, short hair and bad manners. Being a native of New Jersey, the striking sub culture of the “Guido” seems to be a close cousin of the young Russian in Latvia. If you are not from NJ but have ever watched “the Sopranos” this is truly a phenomenon to be witnessed in it’s native environment. I think Discovery Channel may soon create a documentary of this amazing coincidence of culture. The babushkas or old women also have bad manners. We have been informed that bad manners is how you tell a Russian from a Latvian. I do believe I was winked at today by a Russian man on the street and being of a certain age I was flattered. And the bad manner rule went out the window. In general folks do not say things like ”excuse me’ or apologize when bumping folks in public everyone just moves on. There are hardly any persons of color here so K also points out in very clear English look a “brown boy” to all three black men we have seen. We will have to work on the cultural diversity issue when we get home.

We have explained that we do not want to go to Latvian jail for losing Latvian child. This has become a long standing joke. At least every 15 minutes yesterday, K said “ I do this….?” Oh yes, I forgot.. you do not want to go to Latvian Jail” Then ha- ha -ha and does it anyway. This boy is so full of life and energy. He does not stop moving, twirling, spinning on street signs, jumping over park benches, sliding down stairs, hiding and jumping out from behind trees, poles and elevators. “Phil, we go to training now?” They have found a gym and have been going for hours each day. I say last night at midnight “perhaps it’s time for bed for everyone” he says in a perfect mimic of my voice ”I don't think so.” The guys stay up watching X men wolverine till 2 a.m. I have explained this will NOT be a regular occurrence in America. He says “OK honey” and “relax baby relax” and giggles.

The bond forming between Phil and K is amazing to watch. K is physical and loves to be hugged and wrestled and will snuggle up to him on the couch. He is not afraid of letting his heart show. This kid has an amazing spirit. I can’t wait for him and Peter to get to know each other. The fact that both guys are so movement oriented is cool. I can’t wait to see the next part of this adventure play out back in the US.

"This Is My Family"

Well, it has been a week since we have touched down here in Riga.  We have grown accustomed to the late nights and the sunsets at 11:30 PM.  We've even grown accustomed to the rain and cool summer temperatures (well, maybe not).

We have learned the public transportation system like we are seasoned Riga-vites.  Of course it took us watching how the natives operate the transit cards to look like pros.  It also took us taking one trip on the correct bus but in the wrong direction to the end of the line and the bus driver politely telling us to get out of the bus to accomplish looking like we had swagger.

We've also picked up more and more words and phrases in Latvian. We still butcher the language but we try.  At the very least we get many people laughing with our pronunciations.

We've been here a whole seven days. Genesis tells us that God created everything in seven days.  Doesn't seem like a lot of time in the grand scheme of things.  Yet so much can happen in days, hours, minutes.

We first met Kris on Saturday afternoon.  We met him where he was, figuratively and literally.  We broke bread at Jaycee's house and met her family.  We met him on his "turf" and it worked out beautifully.  It was a great transition.  We've only know Kris for FIVE days!

Over the course of these five days we have grown closer.  We've gotten to know each other.  We've eaten together, walked together, shopped together.  We've laughed ... a lot ... together.  We've looked in bewilderment at each other when trying to decipher what the other is saying.  We've also had a few heart-to-hearts during this time - nothing major but important conversations.

Here's what we've got so far: He is fearless.  He is clever.  He is friendly.  He has a heart for family and is loyal to a fault (if you can consider that a fault).  He is high energy.  He has a very sharp sense of humor.  He pays attention to things going on around him.

Here's what else we've gotten in the past five days: a family.  We have a hodge-podge, stitched up, patchwork, duct-taped, quilt of a family.  Our ages range from 52 down to 3 months. Some of us don't understand the language the others speak.  Some don't speak the language the others understand. Some of us don't use words at all.  We live thousands of miles apart and come from many different backgrounds.  But we all share one thing - LOVE!

He was asked by his social worker if he wanted to go back to the orphanage instead of coming to America with us.  "She ask stupid questions," he said.  "I tell her 'No. This is my family.'"

We couldn't agree more.

The Big Day!

Dateline: Riga

We arrived here in Riga on the 11th of June after a long journey from the US.  Three days have passed and we could tell you all about the magnificent history of this city, the majestic architecture and the warmth and openness of its people.  We could tell you about the delicious food and the marvelous coffee here.  We could tell you about how we seriously underestimated how cool it is here even in the summer (yes, we will have to buy some sweatshirts that say "I Love Latvia") or how the sun rises at about 4:30 a.m. and sets at about 11:30 p.m. (makes for some difficulty in adjusting your sleep patterns).  But this is not a vacation journal.  This is a life journal.

We had the blessing to finally meet some "old" friends from the hosting program.  We had been messaging, calling and posting with each other for over a year and finally met for dinner here in Riga.  What a joy and a blessing it was!  These wonderful friends have been praying for us and encouraging us and following our story, Kristofers' story, for quite some time and it was wonderful to finally spend some time getting to know them up close.  A big hug and heartfelt "thank you" to all those who have prayed, donated, encouraged and followed us to Riga.  We could not have done it without you!

We also had the most wonderful opportunity to meet up with our girl, Daniela and some of her friends!  This is the girl who last summer had some challenges with us (read our other blog about that adventure); but God broke through those defenses through love, steadfast and strong, and now Daniela could not contain her excitement at seeing us here in Riga.  God knows how much we love this young woman.  She is our lovely daughter and we love, love, love her to pieces!  We also saw our grandson, Harry, for the first time.  Goodness he is a big boy (only three months old) and a very happy baby.  We will see the two of them throughout our stay in Riga.


We also had the good fortune to meet another lovely young woman by the name of Sabine.  She is friends with Daniela.  What a joy it was to continue our journey of love and acceptance and encouragement with Sabine.  We talked with her throughout dinner and into the next day.  Her message to me the next day was:   It was a very nice to meeting you guys! still I am smiling from yesterday!  All it took was some conversation, mixed in with some love and a little bit of time.

New friendships are formed so long as you are open to the movement of Spirit and we have made a connection with Sabine.  Turns out that she plays soccer with a team and we plan on watching one of her games.  Way more important and awesome than the World Cup!

Despite a night filled with imagined doom - what if Kris doesn't like us, what if Kris doesn't want to come to America, what if, what if, what if .... - we eagerly await the moment when we finally get to meet our son, to hug him, to love on him and, probably embarrass him with overflowing emotions.  That moment will happen today sometime. 

One chapter closes and a new one begins.